Have you ever felt like you were neck deep in water but you weren't getting wet?
Have you ever felt like it was just you surrounded by white noise?
Have you ever felt devoid of everything? No joy, no ambition, no motivation, no anything and you're going through life on auto-pilot?
If you have, you may have at one time or another shaken hands with the dragon known as Depression. I have met this dragon on more than one occasion. We have done battle many times. Each time we meet, each time we face off, and the battle appears to be over when in fact the dragon is merely hibernating, resting and recharging so that it may fight another day.
The dragon is waging another battle. He is coming against me with everything he has, every fiery dart, every piercing jab, his breath smoke and brimstone. The dragon is relentless and does not tire easily. No matter how tall I may stand or how I may square off, every fight leaves me weak and worn. I am knocked down and it takes every ounce of strength I have to pick myself back up.
Sleep eludes me and food nauseates me. Just the sight of food makes my stomach churn and I force myself to eat. I am empty. I am empty in my head, my heart, and my soul. My body hurts to the point where it feels like my skin is peeling off one layer at a time. I'm shut down. I have two faces; one a mask that I very carefully don to muddle through the day to day. The other face is seen by few and even then not always in full view. I put one foot in front of the other on what seems to be a huge treadmill--I'm moving but not going anywhere. I'm empty, I'm worn, and I'm exhausted.
Just how long will this battle wage on, I have no idea. I am sure, as in any battle, there is a course it must run and I somehow must summon up the courage to continue the fight. Will I slay this dragon? Only time will tell. Will the dragon slay me? He will make attempts, I've no doubt. I must continue the fight. I must find whatever ounce of strength is still within me. I cannot let the dragon win!
