And then there are those such as comedian Steve Harvey who was born with a silver foot in theirs.
The comedian recently took to his radio show and, under the guise of his fictional persona Sister O'Dell, used special needs children as the source of some rather cruel material while his staff laughed and laughed and laughed. I was going to share the link here but...hmmmmmm.....the link is gone!
Justly so, once this airing found its way to the ears of the autism community, the blood got to boiling. One autism mom took to YouTube, holding nothing back. She bravely gave it to Mr. Harvey with both barrels. So what if her remarks never made their way to his ears? She was her child's voice! At that moment she was a voice for so many who may or may not have had the words to speak for themselves and I applaud her!
I listened and as I did I heard how she began speaking softly, calmly, but by the end of the video her pain, her passion, her emotion resonated. I understand all too well.
Three days after Matthew was diagnosed with autism, I was told by the church I was born and raised in to take him and his brother and leave. I take that back. First we were told to wait in the fellowship hall until service was over. From there we were told to leave. Why? Because the Sister O'Dells of the group either didn't know how to deal or didn't want to deal with his autism. Because when the music stopped and the congregation stopped singing, Matthew didn't. Because it is so much easier to keep at arm's length that which you fail to understand rather than trying to understand it. I left in tears. That night I was up until midnight composing a letter to the pastor, calling him and the rest of the congregation out. For all the good it did. I received a response, the type that is meant to temporarily sissify you while a bone is being tossed your way all the while you know you aren't welcome. I never returned.
I wish I could say this was my last type of rodeo but it wasn't. Until finding the church my family and I have been attending for nearly five years I spent the better part of my kids' lives being shunned by one church or another, even after they had been told and attempts were made to inform them. Apparently putting people out is easier than becoming informed and equipped. And it is way easier than showing mercy and compassion and making the attempt to place yourself in the other person's shoes. We sure couldn't have that now, could we?
I am all too familiar with the looks...the stares...the whispers...the judgmental airs. I more than know my way around the attitude that since my kids can't be controlled perhaps I shouldn't bring them out in public. Any time I have ever uttered the word "autistic" I am pulled away from as though somehow it's going to rub off. I know what it is like as a parent to watch my kids sit on the sidelines while the rest go on as if they aren't there because, to them, they aren't. I know what it's like for my kids to not be invited to birthday parties, sleepovers, or to just hang out. I know how it is to see the way my kids are looked at, like they don't have a right to be a part of society because the sights and sounds of certain settings and situations overwhelm their systems and the only way to make this point known is in meltdown mode. The hurtful, stupid, downright thoughtlessly cruel remarks made to me by adults who quite frankly should know better still resonate in my ears. Since the boys have become adults it hasn't gotten any easier.
Matthew is 19, 5'10" with a full fledged man beard, strapping and handsome. He is vital and active, always looking to keep himself busy. He is loving and affectionate. But, though he be verbal, he struggles with two-way conversation. He will burst out in streams of giggles and laughter for seemingly no reason. He will go from stimming to dancing in a matter of minutes, all with joy on his face. Needless to say this elicits stares, whispers, and...well....you get the idea....
Jordan is 20, 6', freshly shaven, also strapping and handsome. He is my jokester and we are forever bantering back and forth. Newly employed as a cart wrangler at a local grocery store he is coming to understand work ethics and seeing the world from another perspective, that of a working man. He is creative, my computer geek. He is also selectively social, not mixing much when gatherings occur. Sadly, with all of the gifts my boy possesses, he lacks self-esteem and will sometimes script from other sources which leads to more stares, more looks, more whispers, more aloneness.....you get the idea....
Special needs parents have been referred to as "overly sensitive," not being able to take a joke. I can't speak for anyone else but when something is funny, I will laugh until I cry. Most days I laugh to keep from crying because that's the only weapon I have. Guess what, Mr. Harvey and Sister O'Dell? Stuff like this isn't funny! These are our lives! This is my life! Every bit of what you have mocked, I've lived! I've dealt! This is not funny! And I have news for you, Mr. Harvey, Sister O'Dell may be fictitious but you brought her to life and for her to spew the things she did, they were first in you. If they weren't, they wouldn't have come out your mouth! Don't insult me and the rest of the autism community by saying otherwise!
Here's a thought for you, Mr. Harvey, one that's just crazy enough to work. Why not take some time out of your star-studded life and walk with someone on the special needs road? Talk with them, observe them, interact with them. Forget you're a celebrity for a moment or two, remember where you came from, and engage them. Get to know them. Make awareness, understanding, and acceptance your mission. Then, having done all this, issue a REAL apology. Own what YOU not Sister O'Dell said. He may not be through with you...and really He's not...but you need to realize and remember ALL are precious in His sight...including special needs individuals and their families!
