How many look forward to July 4th?
I mean REALLY look forward to it?
Up and down my block folks are making ready for it. Lawns are getting cut, flowers bought and planted, grills being pulled out of musty garages, flags hoisted. At the Clubhouse we're not much different. Our grill is out back. Yesterday I bought over $100 worth of pretties at my work to give the front of the house a much needed burst of color. I've also been giving myself blisters trying to keep the yard groomed up. The only problem with this is that I own one of those reel mowers, the type of mower that doesn't have a motor and therefore does not require gas or electricity. It's a great little mower and I've given myself one heckuva workout with it. However, I am only able to cut the front half of the yard; the back half is much too long and gets bogged down in the blades. So the front part of my yard is nice and groomed while the back part looks like Pride Rock.
And of course there are the other festivities; parades, fireworks. How many look forward to this part of it? The noise, congestion, the crashing and booming of the fireworks that almost make it as though the sound barrier was being broken. I'm not sure just how many autism families look forward to this night with eager anticipation. I know I didn't. In some ways, I still don't.
I remember when Matthew was smaller and we would pack everyone up for the firework displays in our town. Between the noise and confusion of people around us, the cracking and exploding of the fireworks, and the congestion of traffic, the last thing on my mind at that point was celebrating our nation's independence. I just wanted to get us out in one piece. It really was quite the contrast. Jordan watched with impish delight and excitement while Matthew sat with his fingers in his ears trying not to explode from the circuitry overload I've no doubt he was experiencing. Once we got back home and indulged in a smore or two, all was right with the world. Until then, it was a nightmare.
Fast forward to present day where Matthew now loves the fireworks and eagerly reminds us several days in advance they'll be happening. Instead of plugging his ears and throwing himself to the ground when there is a thunder-like boom, he will touch his ears and say, ''Too loud.'' My boy enjoys the 4th where he never did before and I must admit it is no longer the nightmare it once was. Though there are still bittersweet overtones to it.
We celebrate our independence as a country and nation on the 4th. We celebrate the freedoms that are ours because of what took place with our founding fathers in 1776. As parents we raise our children to be independent, to one day leave the safety of our four walls and discover the world for themselves. As autism parents independence for our children is more of a dream than a goal. As autism parents we pray..we fight...we weep...then we start all over again...because some dreams are worth fighting for and the investment we have in the lives of our children is most definitely worth the sacrifice.
This July 4th, I will trim up the front half of my yard. My newly purchased flowers will be placed strategically around the front of the house so as to give it some pop. I will go to work that day and afterward pack the family up and stake out our spot for the fireworks. Matthew will wrap himself up so as to give himself the calming comfort needed when the booms and crashed begin. I will give thanks for my freedom and independence just as I will continue to pray and weep and fight for my son's independence...and maybe indulge in a smore or two.
