What We Need...

I'm struggling to find words tonight. My heart feels like it weighs a ton. 

I learned through a dear friend, also an autism mom, of a fellow autism mom who is at this moment lying in the hospital along with her precious daughter. This mom attempted to end the life of her daughter as well as her own. 

I do not know this mom. I have never met this mom. I have never heard of this mom until two days ago when the story broke. I have never walked her path nor have I tried to squeeze my feet into her shoes. Admittedly, I am still attempting to get my head around what had happened that led to the events of Tuesday, September 3rd.

In short, I'm struggling to comprehend the choice she made. I don't understand why what happened happened. Not completely.  

When you are a parent, you want so much for your children. You want them to take a better road than you did and to learn from the mistakes and choices you made along the way to where you are. You sweat and struggle and sacrifice to help them along on their journey. 

When you are an autism parent, you also want much for your children but the road you're on does not stretch the same as it would otherwise.  We go nose to nose with schools, fighting for inclusion and safety in the classroom. We stand elbow to elbow with educators who would otherwise deem us the bad guys for expecting what every child deserves to have and instead place our children in a corner with paper and crayons and forget about them; after all, what can be expected from children such as ours? We stand toe to toe with insurance companies who would deny us the coverage we need to give our children the support, the therapies, and overall services not only needed but also deserved. We confront bullies, going after the Goliaths that lurk many times in our front yards. We fight loneliness. We fight isolation. We fight ignorance. We fight the fear of an uncertain future for our children. The sad reality is, too many times, we fight alone.

There have been many times, more than I care to recall, where my elastic has been stretched beyond the point of breaking and I have lashed out in ways I could never begin to imagine. Taking their lives along with my own was never part of the equation yet at the same time I was ugly, someone I don't recognize. While my kids may have reached a place of forgiveness, I have not. Will I ever reach this place? Who knows?

I want to learn more about this mom and her daughter. I want to learn their story and share it. We need to know each other's stories. We need to know when someone in our community is stretched to the point of breaking and stand in the gap for them however possible. We need someone to listen. We need someone to hear. Once in a while we need to have our tears wiped away with the reassurance we will make it! We need each other! We need to know we are not alone!